When Pain Becomes Useful

When you are in deep pain - whether it be physical or emotional - someone telling you that this pain will be useful someday is probably the last thing you want to hear.

But it is true - you may not see it right now because you are not omniscient, but your pain today can have many useful reasons in the future. When people bring regular physical exercise back into their routine, their muscles ache and are in pain from being used after having been stagnant for such a long time. But these people persist and continue exercising because they know that "pain is gain," and that the pain they feel at that time is just a few steps away from a healthy fit body.

However that is not the type of pain I am talking about. I am talking about the physical pain that bothers you in the night and prevents you from getting good sleep. I am talking about the painful heartbreak that you thought would never heal. I am talking about the pain of saying goodbye to someone you love and never seeing that person again. I am talking about the pain that comes from a betrayal and you don't know how you can trust others again.

I have felt great pain in my life. This is not a "my pain is bigger than yours game" - everyone's pain is different. And even though I am only in my mid-20s, I have already felt pain from illness, betrayal, and brokenness - even before I turned 20 years old.

During many of the painful times in my life, I couldn't see past the pain. But looking back now, I see how all that pain helped shape the person I am today. It led me into a career path in human services. My previous pain helped me empathize with people who are going through illness, struggling with broken hearts, or feeling lost in the world.

If you are in pain right now, remember that rainbows can't happen without a little rain. Your pain right now can be a few steps away from the best day in your life. Your pain could be bringing you to the best friends you will have. Or your pain could be shaping you into the best possible person you could be. My pain did all of the above for me. I am grateful for how my pain eventually led me to meet my wonderful husband, meet the greatest friends I have today, and helped me become a much better person than I was before my illness attacked me.

And if you have overcome pain in your life, maybe today is that day when your pain becomes useful. How can pain be useful?

Your pain can help you empathize with someone who is going through a similar situation as you. Because you have felt a similar pain, you are in a good position to hold that person's hand and be an example of someone who has overcome such pain.

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares." ~ Henri Nouwen.

Your pain can also be shaping you to be a better version of your previous self. Before my illness, I had less empathy, less patience, less desire to help the less fortunate in the world. My main ambition was to make money and advance in the world with an important career. Looking back on the person who I used to be, I am so grateful for who I am today.

Henri Nouwen also said: Who can save a child from a burning house without the risk of being hurt by the flames? Who can listen to a story of loneliness and despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains in his own heart and even losing a precious piece of his mind? In short: "Who can take away suffering without entering it?"

When your pain becomes useful and you are helping someone's suffering, you will be able to enter into that person's suffering because your pain has made you strong enough to handle it. You acquire the strength that you overcome.  And if you feel like you are not ready to enter into someone else's suffering yet, then give it time. The annoying thing about the word "someday" is that you don't really know when that day will come…but when it's there, you will know it.