If I could write a letter to me....

There is a popular song by Brad Paisley called, "Letter to Me," Play the song and listen to the lyrics. Brad Paisley talks about how he would write a letter to himself at the age of 17 from the perspective of his older, wiser self. He tells his 17-year-old self that although he has a broken heart, it will heal. He tells himself to hug his aunt as much as he can, and to thank his teacher for having faith in him through all the years. He tells himself that "at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night." He also tells himself that he regrets not taking Spanish. But despite everything that happened to him at 17, he says, "you'll still be around to write a letter to me."

How would you write a letter to yourself? Can you think back to a time when it seemed like that life just couldn't get any worse? Maybe there was a certain period in your life that was filled with uncertainties and you couldn't imagine how it could all get better.

I am only 24 years old, but I know that I am definitely wiser than the person I was at 17. There is a saying that you could base your age not on the number of years you have, but on your experience.

There was a time when I was 17 when life became the opposite of how I imagined it would be. I was just diagnosed with CNS vasculitis, partially bald from a brain biopsy, bloated on steroids, and missing school. My self-esteem was very low. I didn't know if I would graduate on time. And because I was just diagnosed with a neurological disease, I didn't know if I could ever live up to my high academic standards again. If I could write a letter to myself at 17, in December 2005 before I would start my senior spring semester, I would say this:

Dear Chelsey 2005,

This is a letter from seven years from now. I know you are feeling very down because your senior year is not what you expected it to be. You were supposed to be on the executive student council. You worked hard to get that position. You had interviewed to be a mentor for the junior high students. You were planning on getting top grades so that you can win a great scholarship to the university of your choice.

But don't worry…you will finish your chemotherapy sessions in time to attend your spring semester of your senior year. And the psychologist who said that you will be a C+ average is wrong…you will graduate with the top of your class with two academic awards.

I know you think this disease has ruined your life, but actually - it will make you a stronger, wiser, and more compassionate person. Remember how you were planning on becoming a criminal lawyer? You were so driven and thought that this career would bring meaning and security in your life. But as you get older, you will find that meaning can be found in anything…even as a stay-at-home wife who writes encouraging blogs for people, or gives away baked goods for free because she secretly would love to have her own bakery. :P

I know at this time you are feeling a lot of stress from your home situation and you wonder if you will ever escape it. You were hoping that your opportunity to leave would come in the form of a scholarship to a university far away from home, but now you don't even know if you will graduate on time with your friends. But relax - everything will work out well. Your mom is going to send you to live with your aunt for a while so you can fully recover without living in a constant stressful situation, and moving to the west coast will be one of the best decisions you will ever make in your life. There, you will apply to a smaller Christian university - one you thought that was beneath your potential, but this school will actually change and challenge you - and all for the better. At this school you will meet some genuine best friends. And through these friends, you will meet your best friend for life - who will vow to stay by you, no matter what.

And when you move to the west coast, hug Auntie Eva - as much as you can. You won't have much time left with her.

You may be bitter and angry at life right now, but remember that you don't see the full picture - God does. A wise person said, "God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand His reasons, but we simply have to trust His will." And when you see your life seven years from now, you would be amazed at all the blessings God has given you because of this illness…because you will get sick again, and with new symptoms…and you'll wonder why does it seem that God keeps allowing this illness to flare up.

But sometimes God uses such trials to mold us into a better person, to the person that He wants to be and that He can use for His purpose. You wouldn't have the compassion, empathy, or generosity to change your major to human services in your last year of university…if it wasn't for all the trials that you went through in life. Everything that has happened to you has strengthened you to become who you will be in 2012 - and that person that God has molded is a much better version of you than you had in mind.

And about those family troubles..you will be happy to hear that you fought bitterness and won. You decided that living a life of peace and forgiveness is much better than a life of anger and resentment. Another wise person said, "What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now."

Life will continue to go up and down for you. You will experience some broken hearts. You will have financial problems. You will be rejected by family relatives you thought would stand by you.  But like Brad Paisley says, "You'll make it through this and you'll see. You're still around to write this letter to me." 

Life isn't worth living if you are afraid to live it. Take risks. Don't be afraid to speak from your heart. Hope is knowing that God has a purpose for everything you go through...and everything you are going through today will lead you to the best years of your life. 

Hugs and blessings,

Chelsey, 2012