"Living Forward"

Today I re-opened an old journal that I had written in a couple of years ago. When I was journaling, I had used it as a form of therapeutic venting…I would write about almost every moment of my life that I thought was interesting, and recount conversations with people that I wanted to remember. Reading these past entries was like going through a time machine and reliving those moments, remembering the exact feelings I had when certain events happened. I couldn't believe the entries that I had written about - all the time wasted on worries, unreturned feelings, and wondering about the future. If only I could have gone back in time and bopped myself on the head to get my act together, and told myself that everything will work out okay in the future.

"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I no longer used childish ways" (1 Corinthians 13:11). After rereading these past entries, I can see that I still had childishness in my words, thoughts and reasoning. It took more trials, more challenges, and more questioning for me to grow up and put away childish ways.

In my human services class, one of our projects was to write a guided autobiography. This autobiography helped us to reflect back on significant periods in our life, how they played a role in shaping who we are today, and if there were any leftover ties to the past that needed to be severed, or feelings left unspoken that needed to be let out. It was while writing this autobiography that I was able to completely forgive the hurts from my childhood, learned how to move forward, and understand what inspired me or motivated me.

A marriage counselor once came to speak at my university, and I never forget the analogy that he used when he described counseling married couples. He said that all the hurts and bitterness that are left unresolved in each person's life are carried with them…like in a suitcase. Some people have really heavy suitcases filled with anger, resentment, and bitterness. When two people get married, their suitcases become one big suitcase…so that everything that was in their private suitcase are poured into the same bag. They walk around together carrying this accumulated baggage, and when problems arise in their marriage that don't go resolved - they add that to their baggage. And when they come to a marriage counselor for help, the marriage counselor has to rifle through all the items in their suitcase to be able to pinpoint the problem since they have brought over so much baggage from their personal suitcase. The key lesson was this: take care of your baggage before getting married, or else they will just add to your marital struggles or make them worse. 

After I heard this speaker, I made a personal promise to myself to take care of all my baggage. I was in a serious relationship at that time - to my future husband - and there were so many things in my life that were still left unresolved and unforgiven, and I didn't want to be heading towards a marriage and have my childish ways follow me. I wanted to move forward with my life, unencumbered by my past and open to a bright future. But living forward isn't a one-time process, living forward is a daily journey and a daily choice that we make to keep the past behind us, and the future ahead of us.

How to live forward?

1. Learn from the past, don't live in it.

Everyone has their own suitcase of hurt, anger, pain, and heartbreaking memories. Some people refuse to let their suitcase go, and it only becomes heavier everyday until they're struggling so much that they fall and can't get up. You can't run freely in life when you are carrying tons of baggage. It may take a lot of time, effort, and prayer to finally let go of your baggage, but when you do - the heart will feel so much lighter. The only thing from the past that you should be carrying is lessons learned.

If you have trouble giving your baggage away, just ask Jesus about it - He is always willing to trade baggage with you.

Matthew 11:28-30 “… Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

2. Become friends with forgiveness.

Forgiveness can be difficult for many people. For some, they have been hurt so many times that they don't believe in forgiveness anymore. Some people have made some shameful decisions that they can't forgive themselves. But for every person you haven't yet forgiven, that person is a heavy weight on your heart. Cartherine Ponder said, "When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

Maybe you think, "But that person hurt me so much! You don't understand. I can't possibly forgive that person!" Forgiving doesn't mean you have to restore a relationship, or even become friends with the person who hurt you - it means that you have forgiven the person and have let go of all feelings of revenge, malice, and anger about that person. You have given that person over to God for Him to judge in the future. When you forgive someone, you are saying, "I am not letting that person have an affect or a hold on me any longer. I am leaving that person to God to be judged in the future."

Some people want retribution right away for all the pain they had to go through, but revenge belongs to God (Romans 12:19), God's revenge will take care of anything left unpunished, and I think one would be more afraid of God's retribution than anyone else's.

3. Don't fear the future

It's been said a lot of times but it's true…worries are a waste of time. My husband would laugh if he heard me say this, since I spend a lot of time thinking "what if" or coming up with all the possible pessimistic outcomes of situations. My worst days with "worry" happened after I was released from a three-week stay in the hospital, without insurance since my husband had no benefits yet with his job. I spent so much time worrying about making the payment…when in the end, all that worry was for nothing because God took care of it and provided 100%.

So instead, replace worries with hope. When you catch yourself thinking, "What if this happens…," instead say, "I hope that God takes care of it." And then say a quick prayer to give your request to God.

For a while, I spent a lot of time worrying that I might get sick again, or that my illness will return with such a heavy blow next time that I may not recover. But I refuse to live my life in fear of the future, because what is the point of living when you are afraid of life?

God knows your future. He takes care of the birds in the air, and He would take even better care of you.