"Firsts"

People don't really remember the first time they took their first step - because they were probably around 1 year old and that time is a blank space in their childhood. But I remember the first time I took my first step after my body had forgotten how to walk. When i was 17, I was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease that put me in a coma for a month. When I woke up, I was relearning to communicate and my body had to recall how to move physically. From learning to sit up on my own, and then being able to stand up - nothing was as memorable and wonderful as the first step I took all by myself during my physical therapy sessions. That first step gave me hope that everything will be okay, that there is hope for me to move forward.

 

I remember the first time I tasted food after spending a month tied up to a feeding tube. The doctors placed the feeding tube in me after I had fallen into a coma, and then they had kept it for a while because they weren't sure if my illness was also attacking my digestive system. I remember only being allowed to have ice chips for a while - and while ice chips may seem like the most boring item to a food connoisseur, at that time - I looked forward to having my daily portion of ice chips. Finally, when the feeding tube was removed - I had my first "real food" : green Jello. I actually hate Jello. I was never as drawn to it as other kids were. But I relished my first spoonful of green squiggly stuff. I had to be on a "soft food" diet at first - but at the time, it didn't matter because I knew my doctors were feeling more confident about my health and soon, I can eat what I was really craving. Shawarmas. Pork chops. My mom's cooking.

There are a lot of firsts in life. Sometimes we dwell so much on the negative side of "firsts" that we forget that there are also positive "firsts" as well. I could have spent years mourning my first hospitalization, my first time in the ICU, my first serious surgery, my first seizure. Instead, I want to remember the positive "firsts" in my life - the signs of hope in my life that were telling me that everything will eventually be okay.

Maybe you have forgotten all the positive "firsts" in your life. The first time you went on a date after a broken heart. The first time you applied for another job after being rejected in a previous interview. The first time you drove a car after having failed the license test. The first time you smiled at the sunshine after days of darkness.

Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase." Sometimes it is difficult to take that first step when you're afraid of where it might lead, or wonder if you can accomplish it. Nobody said first steps have to be done alone. Even toddlers held their parents' hands when they tried walking. The important thing is to take that first step. Bravely overcoming your past, your fears, and your anxieties - and trusting that the first step you take gives you the courage to climb the rest of the staircase.