"Wondering When"

Have any of you ever seen the movie "Tangled" by Disney, based on the story of Rapunzel? This movie was playing while I was at work this week, and inspired me to write this post.

The basic story of Tangled (spoiler alert!) is that a witch has kidnapped Rapunzel from her parents and has locked her up in a tall tower to raise as her own child. The witch's motive is not one of love but of selfishly hoarding Rapunzel's magical hair . For 18 years, Rapunzel is trapped in a tower . She spends her free time in a myriad of activities, all the while "wondering  and wondering and wondering and wondering: when will my life begin?"

And I'll reread the books

If I have time to spare

I'll paint the walls some more,

I'm sure there's room somewhere.

And then I'll brush and brush,

and brush and brush my hair

Stuck in the same place I've always been.

And I'll keep wonderin' and wonderin'

And wonderin' and wonderin'

When will my life begin?

When will my life begin?

I know I have asked myself that question plenty of times! I've asked myself "when will my life begin" during the troubled years of my childhood when I thought I would be forever stuck in a stressful home life. I asked myself this same question through the uncertain years of high school. And of course - I have asked myself this question daily through the chemo injections, the many medical visits, and the numerous days spent overnight in the hospital.

Rapunzel felt that the woman she thought was her "mother" was keeping her from starting to really live life. Have you ever felt something holding you back from truly living? Did financial circumstances prevent you from attempting to achieve a dream ? Did a person's words and possessive character prevent you from truly embracing life experiences? Has an illness taken hold of your body and prevented you from living the way you would like?

My answer is yes to all the above questions. I thought:

"If I had enough money, life would be easier and life can truly begin."

"If that family member was less harsh to me, I can actually enjoy life and let it truly begin."

"If I was cured from central nervous system vasculitis, then life can truly begin."

Like Rapunzel, I have felt "stuck in the same place I've always been." When I got drastically sick again last September, it seemed like my life would forever be in a cycle of "remission, flare up, getting back up again." Right now - as I have just returned to the work field full time, I feel that I am in the stage of "remission." But somewhere in the back of my mind, a little voice taunts me, "How long is this  going to last? How long will your medication help you before your illness flares up again?"

How do you know when your "life" has truly started? Is living life only when your heart is happy and your spirit is light?

A very wise friend said, "Don't wait for life to start...just start living."

Whether it's raining or sunny, you can choose to start living life already - without having to wait for the "next stage."  When you are in a difficult circumstance - an illness, financial hardship, negative relationships - your experiences are building you up for future moments in life. You are still living even when you "feel stuck." Life still goes on even when you feel like you are not moving forward at all.

"Every event in life can be causing only one of two things. Either it is good for you, or it is bringing up what you need to look at in order to create good for you." - Deepak Chopra.

Instead of wondering, "When will my life begin?" - Think instead, "I wonder how this waiting period in my life is preparing me and strengthening me for the future?"

Remember the caterpillar...when it thought it couldn't wait anymore for life to get better, it became a butterfly.