"Fix You" - by Coldplay: When your body and mind are weak, let your heart and spirit stay strong

 When I started writing this blog, I was tired…I felt tired…I even looked tired…I was visiting my husband's family in Idaho this Christmas holiday, and even my father-in-law noticed that I looked fatigued.

I probably owed my fatigue to the fact that I had been on my feet a lot the last couple of days, and my sleeping patterns haven't been regular, but even so - I felt like life had stolen my energy.

If I wasn't on the current medications that I am now (chemotherapy, steroids, anti-seizure medications), I wouldn't be feeling this way. Actually, I blame my lowered energy levels mostly to my anti-seizure medications. Last November, I found out that I was allergic to three anti-seizure medications that my neurologist prescribed me. Although I did not like the rash and the swelling, I did enjoy that for two weeks - while I wasn't on any anticonvulsants - I felt like my "old energy" had returned. I was waking up early in the morning, doing chores as quick as I used to do, and multi-tasking so much that I actually created more free time for myself. And this wasn't just mental energy, I had PHYSICAL energy. I was walking all over town, running errands, and using the stairs every time I visited my doctors, even when they were on the sixth floor of the hospital.

My husband noticed a big change between the time when I was on those anti-seizure medications and to the two-week period when I was off them. He said that while I was on those three different anti-seizure medications, he would come home and usually find me laying on the couch, watching a movie. The first day when I wasn't on any anti-seizure medications, I had cooked him breakfast before he left for work, and he came home to a sparkling house.

Eventually - because I had status epilepticus this last September - and we don't know yet if seizures will return as  a symptom for me as part of my CNS vasculitis - I had to take another anti-seizure medication. This time, this one didn't give me an allergic reaction, but I did notice that I wasn't as energetic as I had been. However, I was a great deal more energetic than I was when I was on those other three anti-seizure medications.

When reading the possible side effects of these medications, some sound scary! Sure, I can accept "may cause drowsiness" or even "dizziness." However, side effects like causing "suicidal thoughts or behaviour" because these drugs may cause changes in mental health - well THAT sounds scary.

I've been blessed - again - that the worst side effects I have had with these drugs are that I developed severe allergic reactions such as swelling and a rash, but I stopped these anti-seizure medications ahead of time before my reactions could get worse. Right now, my main problem with my current anti-seizure medication is that I don't get to be as energetic as I used to be, but at least I can still get out of bed in the morning, and I can stay up on my feet as long as I need to. So really, I have much to be thankful for despite what I am feeling.

A friend once told me - when I had a Facebook status complaining about my energy levels because of my anti-seizure medication - that I already had so much energy originally, that if I had been a "regular energetic person," I would be a zombie on my current medications. That made me laugh - and it was another reminder how blessed I am again, that although I have a life-threatening illness, I can still live life normally when I am not in the middle of a flare-up.

But being physically weak is not the only thing that can burden us. There's emotional weakness - when someone breaks your heart, or you lose someone, or your feelings are hurt to a  point where you don't know if that relationship can ever be reconciled. Sometimes your mind becomes weak - when you feel so overwhelmed that you can't think of anything else but the problem that is laying heavy on your heart.

When you feel like you are at your weakest point, let your heart and spirit remain strong. You may feel like circumstances cannot get any worse, but as long as you have hope, you have possibilities. When you give up hope, you slam the door on possibilities.

My husband and I were probably at our weakest point this year when I was admitted to the hospital last September because of my third flare up of CNS vasculitis, and I was admitted to two hospitals, as a Canadian without insurance at an American hospital.

In Canada, I never had to worry about providing for my health care. I know that many in Canada complain about our health care system, and many in the United States look down on it because of its inefficiencies, but every system has its weak points. The strongest point of Canada's socialized health care system is that nobody will ever have to worry about being financially unable to  obtain health services for themselves because of the cost. Many people advised me to stay in Canada because I have a disease that needs expensive treatment. So when I was finally discharged from the hospital in October after three weeks, my hospital bill added up to about $300 000.

While in the hospital, after I had finally gained consciousness, I couldn't really relax knowing that my husband did not have insurance with his job yet since he was just a temporary worker, and that we might be spending the rest of our lives paying off this bill that was bigger than a mortgage for a regular house, or declare bankruptcy.

Life was pretty much at the bottom of the rocks at that moment. My husband and I had started our year so well - we had both graduated, we had gotten married, we had an amazing honeymoon in Europe - and then it seemed that right away in our first year of newlywed life, life was already challenging our vows: "For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health."

No one could have asked for a better husband than Alex, during that tough time in our lives. I think it was harder for him than me - because even though I was close to death for a second time in my life, Alex watched it all happening before his eyes, not knowing if God was going to take me away, or if I survived, would my mind be the same?

Alex didn't want me to worry about anything. He told me to trust him, and although we both knew that his current salary would not be able  to pay the hospital bills, our regular bills, and my current medications   that we currently had to pay out of pocket, that cost about $1200 a month - he told me not to worry, that we would have to file for bankruptcy if we had to. Alex has never failed me, and I knew that he loved me so much that he would do everything he can to make sure that we survived.

He wrote a letter to the charity care program at the hospital. He explained our financial situation, and that we could not afford to pay our $300 000 bill, especially while paying for rent, regular bills, and the medications that I needed to stay on. The charity care program wrote us back and said that we were approved for 70% charity care. But paying even 30% of our original bill was still too much. Alex persisted and wrote to them again, saying that we still had no choice other than to file for bankruptcy. The hospital then wrote to us and approved us for 100% of our bill - forgiving all our debt.

The day that Alex and I read that letter from the hospital, we jumped for joy and cheered so loud that I am sure the neighbours must have heard us. It was better than any Christmas day I remembered. I then realized how grateful I was to God that He let this happen, and if I had this much trust in my husband to provide for me and care for me, I should be that way with God in all things.

People often say, "Enjoy your honeymoon period now, because the rough patches of marriage will be coming soon." But for Alex and myself, we hit several rough patches already. When we had come back from our honeymoon, Alex had such a hard time looking for a job as a construction manager since the economy had hit the construction sector so hard in the area where we were living. He finally was hired as a temporary worker for a computer company - but at that time, his job did not provide the benefits that we needed for my health care. Then in September, my health took a surprising hit with a third flare up with new seizure symptoms and hallucinations.

Yet throughout this whole time - our marriage stayed strong, and we only grew closer together because of enduring these obstacles together. We had hope that even though we were walking through a tumultuous time in our lives, the sunrise was still around the corner.

When your body and mind feel weak, what lights guide you home?

I have one major light - the Light of the World - Jesus - through every flare up in my life, although I was at my physical weakest, I had never been spiritually stronger than I was at that point. Even recently, I had never felt as closed to God as I do now, after realizing that believing in Him and doing good works are not the only things there are to a relationship with Him - but actually spending time in real prayer and in His Word. If I can spend so much time talking to my husband and looking forward to spending time with him, how much more should I desire to spend time with Jesus?

God is the "Ultimate Fixer" - when people fail us, when governments fail us, when dreams fail us - God will never fail us. Although He doesn't promise to deliver us directly from our circumstances everytime, He does promise to endure them alongside us, because "God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1).

The other light that guides me home - home being your haven of security, of safety, and a sense of normalcy - is my husband Alex. Whenever I am down, or I feel like my worries are preventing me from seeing the sun behind the clouds - Alex has a special way that nobody else does to help me hold on to hope, even when hope is buried beneath obstacles.

When my body is weak, my heart remains strong - because Alex knows how to "guide me home." When my heart is weak and heavy, because I am tired of life hitting us with one problem after another, I rely on God to strengthen me again and be my light to guide me home, and keep my spirit strong.

If you read my first blog, you'll know that I had some family problems while growing up. When I was in high school, only my closest friends knew what was going on at home, while I hid everything else with a perky smile and a cheery attitude. People who observed me but did not know me, would have thought that I was a happy-go-lucky girl, but there were several occasions when I broke down in tears, because I was tired of carrying so much in my heart.

Just because you want to maintain a strong heart and spirit, doesn't mean that you can't break down and have a good cry now and then, and let your emotions show. Keeping emotions bottled in is not healthy for you - emotionally or physically. Whatever you keep inside will eventually come out - whether in words, actions, or tears. If it doesn't come out when you let out your emotions, it will express itself in other ways - and possibly in ways that are unhealthy, such as channeling your anger at another person, or expressing sadness through unhealthy habits such as binge eating.

How can you keep a strong heart and spirit when your body and mind are weak?

Realize the sources of "light" in your life and let them guide you until you are strengthened again. If you are a Christian, God will guide you through every valley and hill in life. Reflect upon the people in your life. Who encourages you to remain positive, or helps you reflect on the bright side of things when everything seems dark? Let them guide you home.

How can you help others maintain a strong heart and spirit when they are at their weakest points?

Well, don't ever underestimate the effect of an encouraging word. If you notice a friend on Facebook that has been posting statuses about rough times lately, send them an encouraging message and/or Bible verse to help them remember that there is still good in life.

When someone confides in you about a problem, a hug tells that person, "You understand me, and you care about what I just told you."

When someone breaks down in tears and expresses how lost they feel, a comforting silence also says, "I heard you, and I am here for you when you are ready to talk about this."

When people know that there is someone out there who cares for them enough to also want to take part in their problems and desire to take it away, it helps give them hope and a stronger heart and spirit, so they know that they are not fighting alone.

And when it seems like nobody else will take part in your burden, know that there is always Someone who has promised to endure your burdens with you when you let Him. Every time we ask God, He will always fix us and guide us home.

The Power of Strength and Persistence

This photo quote was submitted by Grandpa Silverback/ Paul Hartman  on my Facebook wall.

Here is my response:

When the doctors say, "We don't know your diagnosis" - PERSIST

When the medications say, "You are too tired to do anything useful" - PERSIST

When people say, "You can't do anything anymore" - PERSIST

When the world says, "Your illness will always stop you" - PERSIST


Keep persisting, and you'll eventually cut through that rock!!

When are times that you have persisted and cut through that rock?

When I was 17, laying in a coma at the children's hospital, and the doctors did not know what to do with me, my aunt - a primary care physician - persisted, did so much research, and was the one what convinced them to do a brain biopsy on me, and that was how my doctors finally diagnosed me.

When the doctors told my parents that I would have speech issues after recovering from my coma, and I would only be able to speak 5 words a day, upon hearing this, I responded with, "What do you mean I can only speak 5 words a day?"

When the psychologist told me I would have a C+ average and never be an honour roll student again, I studied - with my brain that was just recently inflamed - and graduated high school with a 4.0/ A+ average, winning 2 academic awards.

When the world said I could never be cured because of my incurable disease, I used my illness to share my story with others, raising awareness, so that one day - a cure can be found.

Keep persisting, and you will break through that rock :)

Christmas Song #7: "The Virgin's Lullaby" Moving Forward and Finding Joy in Waiting

How much of our lives do we spend waiting? Every day we are waiting…waiting at the red  light, waiting for the food to heat up in the microwave, waiting for the water to boil, waiting for someone to return a phone call…there is so much time of our life that we spend waiting.

But what do you do while you are waiting? When you're at the stop light, do you pause and freeze, and stop driving? No, you are probably mentally planning your driving route in your head, and preparing to make a turn, or to go straight at the green light. Some people take those couple of seconds to turn on the radio, or to pull out a map to check their directions. For my husband and myself, we usually like to take that time to give each other a sign of affection, such as a kiss on the cheek.

In life, there are many red lights. For most of my readers, this red light is an illness. A red light that reminds you of things that you cannot do, and tells you, "No, you cannot move forward at this time." For those without an illness, there are many other problems in life that come as a red light. Perhaps you lost your job and have trouble looking for work. Perhaps there is trouble in the family or you just got out of a bad relationship. Or maybe, you are giving yourself your own red light, because you are having trouble with your confidence, your self - image, and you've lost  self-esteem.

It's because of the red lights in our lives that we wait. For those with an illness, we wait to go into remission. For those without a job, you are waiting for someone to see what you are worth and tell you that you are hired. For those who have trouble in the family or just got out of a bad relationship, you are waiting for reconciliation or healing. For those who have trouble seeing themselves as a person worthy of love, you are waiting for someone to reach out to you and show you that you are worth loving. For anyone else with other obstacles, there is always "waiting" involved, until you overcome that obstacle and move forward.

In life, how often have we been at red lights…but stayed there, not planning, not preparing, and not showing affection. Some people encounter obstacles and freeze up. They get lost and don't stop to take out a map for direction. They wait for so long at the red light that traffic builds up around them, until they realize that they simply had to make the red light in their lives turn green so that they can move forward.

At the first Christmas, when Jesus Christ was born, He was the answer to thousands of years of waiting.  God had promised His people that He will send them a Saviour, to save them from their turmoil and cast out their sins. God's people waited for years and years. Some gave up, but some had hope in His promise. And it was those who had hope in God's promise who were able to recognize His Son, for who He truly was.

In the song, "The Virgin's Lullaby," we hear about the Three Wise Men, who have searched for years for the star that would lead them to Christ, the Ultimate King. Like God's people, the people of Israel, the Wise Men also waited for years and years searching for the Messiah. But in their wait, they were preparing themselves so that they may bring honour to Jesus when they met him.

In this same song, we also hear about Mary, who is part of God's people and has been waiting for a Saviour. She was just a very young girl when she was told by an angel that her entire life was about to change. But while waiting to give birth to the Son of God, she rejoiced, and found joy in her period of waiting.

In life, how often do we take the time to find joy during our periods of waiting? If you have an illness, and you are waiting for a diagnosis, for remission, or to be healed - you can still find joy in the waiting. Joy might be more difficult to find when you are in a hospital, or when you can't get out of bed in the morning because of chronic pain, but joy is still there. You just need to find it, and there are so many places where it can be found. It can be found in the loving arms of family. It can be found in the comforting words of friends. It can be found in a hobby that you love to do. Or if you are a Christian, joy can always be found in God's Word and in His comfort, no matter what is happening in your life. Don't see your illness as a red light.

In life, you can control your own traffic light, and make that red light turn green. Life shouldn't stop because of a red light, make that right or left turn on the road and make changes in your life, or best of all, make that red light turn green, and move forward in your life.

My last flare up with my illness happened last September, when I developed status epilepticus, a symptom of children's primary angiitis of the central nervous system (if you do not know this illness, please see my first blog for an explanation). I don't remember those five days in the hospital when I was having constant seizures, and my husband didn't know whether I was going to die. Or if I lived, will I be the same person that I was? After my seizures, the vasculitis attacked my visual cortex in my brain, and I had another couple of days with vivid hallucinations, where I couldn't distinguish reality from my dreams. I couldn't even recognize my husband at times and said some hurtful things to him. It is now almost three months since my flare up, and I have been waiting to go back to remission, and officially be off chemotherapy and the other medications that I am taking.

Just because you are "waiting" doesn't mean you can't move forward in your life. It also doesn't mean that you can't plan, make changes, or hope for a better future. During these last three months, I've been planning on where to apply to when I can go back to work. I've made changes in my life - such as writing this blog to encourage other people, and creating a Facebook group where other people with a life-changing illness like me, can share their perspective about life.  Although I was at a red light for a while with my illness when I was hospitalized for nearly three weeks, I chose to make that red light turn green and I moved forward, while waiting to return to remission, and finding joy in the loving arms of my husband, the comfort of my friends, and finding again - my joy for writing.

I have to say, I don't know if I would have found that joy in writing if I hadn't had the encouragement from a good friend, Ginny, who also has the same illness as me. She gave me the confidence in my writing that I had lost long ago. My husband had encouraged me before to start writing fiction again, since before I had been writing a novel. But before this last flare-up, I never felt that I had anything to share with other people.

No matter what your burden is - an illness, financial troubles, trouble in relationships, trouble with your self-concept, or anything else that is preventing you from living the life that you want - know that while you are waiting for your burden to be lifted, you can still find joy.

Joy can be found in any circumstance in life. If you are sick, think of the positive things that have happened since and because of your illness. Perhaps you made a new friend or found a new hobby to help you get through your illness that has brought you joy. If you have financial troubles, there is still joy to be found in other areas of life, because money does not make the world go round - no matter what others may think. The love of others is more precious than your bank statement will ever be.

For those who are Christians, we know that God's timing is perfect, and that there is a reason for everything that happens in our lives, and that God's will is always higher than ours. God also uses our waiting to make us stronger. I know that I wouldn't be the person today if I didn't spend years waiting on God to deliver me from family trouble, or if I hadn't spend months for God to bring me to remission after my first flare-up. In times of waiting, let us be like the Three Wisemen, and continue to search - but this time, searching for the heart of God, and casting our burden on Him so that we can draw nearer to Him.

Maybe you are waiting for God to lead you to your future husband and wife - instead of waiting at that red light, be proactive and turn that light green, and move forward while preparing yourself to be the kind of person a husband or wife would want to have, all the while, finding joy in singlehood that God provides such as living independently and achieving goals that you may not have time to do right away after getting married.

This Christmas…whatever obstacles you may be facing, may you find joy in the process of waiting to overcome it. Turn your red light green, make that turn on the road of your life to make necessary changes, or go straight and move forward - finding joy in your hope of what the future can bring.

Merry Christmas Everyone! :)

If you'd like to know more about the Christmas story, you can watch the movie, The Nativity, or check out this video, "The Virgin's Lullaby."

Or better yet, look in the Bible...you'll find the story at the beginning of the Book of Matthew and the Book of Luke.  

Christmas Song #6: "Do they know it's Christmastime at all?"

Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I believe it's because I love celebrating Jesus' birthday better than my own. In addition to that, I love the festivity that comes along with Christmas - I guess I am what you can call a "Christmas geek." My husband had thought we were done with buying Christmas decorations last year, then I told him, "But no! We don't have a manger scene! And I want to get a winter scene where little skaters can skate around on a mini-pond!"

Yes, I love Christmas. I haven't even gotten tired yet from baking my seventh batch of cookies, to give away to friends and family for their Christmas present. I do believe I have three batches left to go, but the joy of giving doesn't make it a stressful event for me . Gifting has grown to be a stronger love language for me recently . If you don't know what love languages are, see my previous post about Christmas Song #5 Don't Save it all for Christmas Day.

For some of you, maybe you're not looking forward to the holidays. Maybe you've had such a rough year, that you can't see how it could possibly end well. Maybe you're missing important family or friends, who won't be able to share Christmas with you. Or maybe you feel like Christmas can't be special this year, when you're coping through physical pain, or waiting for a doctor's diagnosis, or struggling to cope with a loved one's illness.

But as these lyrics say:

"It's Christmastime

There's no need to be afraid"

It's Christmas time - a time to focus on the joy of spending time with family and friends. A time to reflect on the meaning of Christmas. A time to look back on this past year, and wonder what you would like to do differently in 2012. A time to share the Christmas spirit with others. What does Christmastime mean to you?

"At Christmastime, we let in light and we banish shade"

There is shade in all of us. The shade could be caused by your illness, constantly tormenting you, constantly reminding you of everything you cannot do because of your symptoms and your condition. The shade can be cause by other trouble in your life - troubled relationships, a troubled career, troubled secrets, or a troubled self-concept. Maybe you've lost hope in yourself, and can't even imagine yourself being a source of hope for other people.

But it's Christmastime, like the lyrics say, "we let in light and we banish shade." Banish your shade this Christmas, by letting in the light of the world. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus is the Light of the World. But there are other sources of light as well - the light of hope, the light of love, the light of joy, the light of peace - all of which can be found with special family and friends at Christmastime.

If you need help banishing shade this Christmas because you feel like an illness, or the illness of a loved one - is stopping you, join us at http://www.facebook.com/groups/helping.other.patients.everywhere/ .

If you just need an occasional cup of hope, like our Facebook page for a quick dose of hope

http://www.facebook.com/pages/HOPE-words-Helping-Other-Patients-Everywhere/193697247388661 .

"And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the world at Christmastime

But say a prayer

Pray for the other ones"

In the Bible, Jesus says:

‘I can guarantee this truth: Whatever you did for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant they seemed, you did for me.’

 Matthew 25: 40 (God's Word Translation)

How can you spread a smile of joy this Christmas?

At Christmastime it's hard, but when you're having fun

There's a world outside your window

And it's a world of dread and fear

Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears

And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging

chimes of doom

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

This Christmas, I know that there are other pressing concerns to the hearts of some. Some are still waiting to get a final diagnosis. Some are dealing with chronic pain. Some are struggling with other personal issues.

Perhaps you don't agree with part of this verse because you're not "having fun." But regardless, there is still a "world outside your window…of dread and fear. Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears."

In that "world of tears", people are crying because of starvation, because they are orphans, because they have no homes, because they are persecuted…there is so much more to their tears than what most of us are crying about right now.

No matter what you are facing, no matter how tough life may seem, even if it feels like the world has turned against you, or that you have an illness where there is no hope, no cure, no promise of remission - you can consider the people who have it worse than you, and with the right perspective, still be thankful in your circumstance. 

Consider that world of tears again, and think about reasons that other people are crying that aren't the same reasons as your own. Be grateful that you don't have those reasons. If you have a loving supportive wife, husband, or significant other, be grateful that you are not crying like the woman whose husband has just left her. If you have food, be grateful you're not crying like that homeless person on the street who can't find a soup kitchen. If you live in a democratic country, be grateful that you're not crying like the people who are daily oppressed by their government.

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

Where nothing ever grows

No rain nor rivers flow

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

This Christmas, how can you let others know that it's Christmastime? How can you share the joy of the season with someone else?

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone

(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Feed the world

Feed the world

Feed the world

Let them know it's Christmastime again

Feed the world

Let them know it's Christmastime again

Maybe you don't have a chance to give anything to Africa this Christmas, but there are other ways you can give to help spread a smile. Consider buying a meal for the next homeless person you see on the street. Drop a couple coins off to the people who ring Christmas bells for the Salvation Army. Maybe bake some bread and drop it off at your nearest soup kitchen. There are plenty of ways you can find to spread a smile of joy to others. 

If you're too tired this Christmas to do any of the above, like this song says, "Say a prayer, pray for the other ones." Prayer is something you can do at any time, despite how you are feeling or where you are. Prayer is also something you can never run out of - and there is no such thing as praying too much for the "world of tears."

This Christmas, I pray that your Christmas be joyful, and if you have tears, may they be tears of joy.

Christmas Song #5: This Christmas (joy to the world) by Toby Mac - What are you doing "this Christmas" ?

I was watching the Christmas Glee episode last week, and my husband started laughing at me because he thought I was crying at a commercial. He didn't realize - at that moment - that I had started crying while watching the scene where the Glee members were singing, while feeding the homeless at the soup kitchen and giving presents to the children.

I tried to hide my tears - I was really embarrassed to be crying. My husband thinks it's because being on prednisone and cytoxan heightens my emotions - and that I am a woman (lol).

I partially agree with him. I definitely was crying a bit because of emotions, and since my current medications are currently raising my emotions to a couple degrees higher, it makes sense that I would start crying at things I wouldn't normally tear up so easily about.

I think  it was because that watching the kids on this TV show made me think of the little girl I am sponsoring through Children of the Nations, and how there are so much children in need this Christmas season.

Children of the Nations is an organization based in the United States that aims to provide holistic, Christ-centered care for orphaned and destitute children, so that they may grow positively and be a part of lasting change in their nations.

This video I made is a quick summary of Children of the Nations. The song in this video reminds us that God has called us to care for the orphans in their distress, because this "religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless"  (James 1:27).

Even if you are not a Christian, taking care of the orphans is one of the best "religions" you can have.

This Christmas, I ask you to consider going to www.cotni.org and sponsoring a child. If you are not ready to commit to sponsoring a child, you may go to http://www.cotni.org/gift-catalog-giving, where you can purchase a gift from the gift catalogue. You can give the gift on behalf of someone else. If you have not yet finished your Christmas list, telling someone that they can take the credit for buying seeds - in order to prevent famine in countries - would be an excellent gift idea.

The Children of the Nations gift catalogue has gifts that you can purchase for any budget, in different countries, and for different needs.

For many of my readers - who are living with an illness  - it may be hard to think of helping other people outside the box, when life is already complicated enough with doctor appointments, the physical aches, paying for medications, and sometimes struggling to just get out of bed the next day.

If you are reading this blog, you can afford to give a little this Christmas. You're probably reading this from your laptop, your desktop your computer, or your cell phone. The orphaned children of the world do not have the luxury of such items. Simple things such as books, notebooks, crayons and pencils are enough to make them happy.

If you cannot give to Children of the Nations, I encourage you to find a similar organization and give to them.

There's a song by Newsong called "Light your world."

This Christmas, instead of just hanging Christmas lights, light your world as well:

"It only takes a little time

To show someone how much you care

It only takes a little time

To answer someone's biggest prayer ."

Christmas Song #4: "Don't save it all for Christmas Day" - give love away now before Christmas

Celine Dion is a famous Canadian singer, and the song, "Don't Save It All For Christmas Day" is a favourite Christmas song of mine. Not only does Celine sing it beautifully, but the message behind the song reminds us that we don't have to wait until Christmas Day to bring out the best in us - the best should be brought out in us, everyday.
                                                                      
Don't Save It All For Christmas Day
Don't get so busy that you miss
Giving just a little kiss
To the ones you love
Don't even wait a little while
To give them a little smile
A little is enough
How many people are crying
People are dying...
How many people are asking for love
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...
How could you wait another minute
A hug is warmer when you're in it
And Baby that's a fact
And saying "I love you's" always better
Seasons, reasons, they don't matter
So don't hold back
How many people in this world
So needful in this world
How many people are praying for love
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...
Let all the children know
Everywhere that they go
Their whole life long
Let them know love
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...
Love...




In his book, "The 5 Love Languages" - Dr. Gary Chapman talks about how each person expresses "love" in his or her own unique way, and is more responsive to receiving love in a certain way as well.


Since it is Christmas, the "Season of Giving," lets give love to others. Love is free, it doesn't cost any money (even though there are people who think different). But like Jennifer Lopez said in one of her famous songs, "My love don't cost a thing."


Giving love away doesn't cost a thing. The only love that ever came at a cost was God's love for us - when He sent his Son to die on the cross for our sins, out of His sacrificial love.


Have you ever loved someone so much, that you would send your spouse, your daughter, your son, or even your closest friends - to save that person's life?


Amidst the shopping, the baking, the planning, and the preparations of Christmas - the theme of love often gets lost, and people forget that love is the most important gift you can give away at Christmas. Love is more important than the expensive present you bought at the department store, or that thoughtful gift you handcrafted yourself, or even the cookies you baked for your neighbours.


While all those presents are nice and do bring joy to others - love - in itself - can bring greater joy, and plant better seeds in the hearts of many.


How can we give love away this Christmas?


Dr. Gary Chapman talks about giving love away in five different ways.
 
1. Words of affirmation: These are positive words that encourage people and raise their spirit. Words of affirmation give hope and do not judge. Consider calling your sibling just to say, "Hey, you've done a great job with being a parent while working at the same time." Or write on a friend's Facebook wall, "You're special, hope your Christmas is just as special this year!"


2. Gifts: Yes, I did just say that love is more important than the gifts that I mentioned above, but when you give these gifts, expect nothing in return. Don't give cookies to your neighbour, and then ask them for a favour. Don't give a handcrafted present to your significant other, and then wonder why he or she didn't do something equally nice in return. Gifts should be an act of love given freely without expecting gifts in return. Why don't you give gifts to people who can't give gifts away? Give a twenty-dollar bill to the homeless person at the corner of the street, or sponsor a child through a non-profit organization beginning in the New Year. Maybe make some food and bring it to the homeless shelter to serve.

3. Physical touch: Some people like to give love through physical touch, whether it be a kiss for their significant other, a hug for a friend, or just a comforting hand on the back when someone is feeling down.


4. Acts of service: Acts of service are when you do something to help someone else - again, expecting nothing in return. For example, I have baked cookies for family and friends as their Christmas presents (this is a double act of love), expecting no gifts from them, and I've been spending much time in the kitchen making these cookies as special as I can, out of love, not hoping that someone would be giving me a container of goodies for this Christmas season.


5. Quality time: This is actually my best love language…and also the love language I prefer to receive. I love spending time with other people. Quality time means actual "quality time" - this means your primary focus is on that person, not on the television, the activity that you're doing together, or the location of where you are. Quality time can include talking over dinner, sharing an activity, or choosing to venture out and explore something new. Quality time with someone says, "I care about you enough to take time out of day to make you know how important you are to me." Quality time can also include taking the time to write messages to someone, read their reply, and taking the time to make sure you respond to their message as thoughtfully and meaningfully as you can.


These are five different types of acts of love that you can give away, but "don't save it all for Christmas Day." Love is a gift that you can give away daily.





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This Christmas, I challenge you to give love away to those who don't receive love everyday. Consider the homeless, or the orphans, or the ones who live in countries where their government can't give the love they deserve.






Give love away everyday, because it's a gift that you can never run out of.

Some words of hope...

My recipe for lemonade:
- Squeeze the sourness of the stress of life into Jesus, the living water
- Add the sweetness of friends, family, and your favourite coping mechanisms!
eg. music, reading, dancing

I love encouraging friends over coffee dates! 

Christmas Song #3: In search of meaning, "Where are you Christmas?" by Faith Hill

I love the song, "Where are you Christmas?" by Faith Hill. If you read my previous post about "My grown-up Christmas  List", you can see how I can relate to the feeling of having lost the meaning of Christmas in the past. It's easy to lose the meaning of Christmas when you have expectations, and those expectations are broken. Or when you're given promises, and those promises aren't met.  Or maybe you've had so many broken Christmases that you gave up on fixing it. Either way, finding the meaning of Christmas becomes more difficult when you've lost hope during the journey of searching for it.

As a Christian, the most significant meaning of Christmas for me is celebrating and remembering the birth of Jesus, and how God so loved His imperfect world that He sent His Son in human form to save us. It was His unimaginable love that gave hope to a world who lost the meaning of life.

For people living with an illness, the song "Where are you Christmas?" can apply to us on any given day - except take the word "Christmas" out and replace it with the word "life."

Where are you (Life)

Why can't I find you

Why have you gone away

When you live with a life-threatening illness, you endure the physical symptoms, the treatments, the side effects of the treatments . But there's also loss involved. Maybe you lost friends who just couldn't understand what you were going through. Maybe you lost your job because your illness won't let you work. Maybe you're like me, and your illness caused you to lose memories - literally stealing pieces of your life away.

Where is the laughter

You used to bring me

Why can't I hear music play

 When you're on chemotherapy, it's not unusual to start laughing less. Or when you're taking so many pills every day just to stay alive, it's easy to focus on its physical side effects and become deaf to the music of life.

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean (Life) changes too

After your diagnosis, your world rearranges according to your illness. Life choices have to be made in light of your illness. Daily activities are chosen carefully according to your current symptoms. You build a bubble around yourself if you want to stay healthy because being on immunosuppresants (definition: drugs that suppress your immune system) make you highly susceptible to the common cold and other worse viruses. Relationships change because you have changed.  Life change is inevitable with an illness, but it's how you deal with these life changes that defines your character and helps to pave your journey.

Where are you (Life)

Do you remember

The one you used to know

I'm not the same one

See what the time's done

Is that why you have let me go

If you have read my first post (which I recommend you do, because what I say next won't have any context), you saw how I described the person I used to be before I got sick. For people with an illness, there are three phases of time.

My 17th Birthday, about 4 and half months
before I would fall into a coma, because of
children's primary angiitis of the central
nervous system.

The first phase is "life before the diagnosis": life before your illness, when life was considered "normal."

 

 

 

My mom took this photo during one of
my 32 days spent in a coma.

The second phase is "life at diagnosis": this phase includes your first symptoms and how you reacted to them. It can also include the time when you were finally diagnosed and how you dealt with it. This phase also includes the initial treatment and how you chose to adjust to life according to your illness.

At SickKids Hospital, Toronto, Ontario. This is about a week after I have woken up from my coma. In this picture, I am writing a letter in French to my philosophy teacher for homework. I was still on the feeding tube at this time - and I couldn't wait to be eating real food - even Jello - which I normally wouldn't eat. The social worker also decorated my room with Leafs memorabilia! I was also lucky to have been at SickKids while the Leafs players were visiting.

(If you don't know who the "Leafs" are - they are a Canadian hockey team - Canadians love hockey. Find out more on http://mapleleafs.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=460198. I was also in two other newspaper articles and in the news, but I wouldn't be able to post that here. 

Getting ready to start my first semester in January
2007 at TrinityWestern University. At that time,
my current meds were prednisone (steroids) and
imuran (a light form of chemotherapy in oral pills).

The third phase - preferred by all of us - is "life in remission": when life finally seems normal. When it seems like you can be the person you used to be before your illness. If your illness comes with chronic symptoms that prevent you from becoming the person you used to be before your illness, then remission can refer to the period of time when you finally overcome the idea that your illness is a burden to you, and you begin to see your illness in a new and positive light. How can you use your illness to be a positive testimony to others? When others see you, will they see you as the sum of your symptoms, or will they view as a person who faced a life threatening illness that couldn't be physically defeated, but was conquered because of the power of your heart and mind? 

(Life) is here

Everywhere, oh

(Life) is here

If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like (Life) all the time

The above statement sums it up: life is not limited to your physical symptoms. Life does not have to be defined by your illness. You may not be able to control how your illness affects your life, but you can control what you do with the life that you have left. When your heart and mind are filled with love, it can be easier to experience the joy of life again. 

 Even at times when life seems lost, it's not - it's just that life changed and we have to make adjustments. How you live your life will decide how much you choose to lose or win in life. Will you retreat and fall back, losing the race to your illness? Or will you take a proactive stance, have hope in denying the statistics, and have faith in the possibility that you can be the exception to your illness? Miracles have happened before - and miracles can happen again. A    

 doctor's prognosis is not the final word. 

The title of the newspaper article I was in - written by Mike Strobel in the Toronto Sun in September 2005 - was "Life is hockey for Maple Leafs players. For the young patients at SickKids Hospital, it's something else altogether." For other people who don't live with an illness, life can be music, life can be their job, life can be their children. For us - life is "something else altogether." Mats Sundin, the captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs during 2005, said in the news article, "This room (Marnie's Lounge - a place at SickKids where patients can come and enjoy themselves) has been very special...it puts your whole life in perspective. We're out there playing hockey and it's a game."

"And these kids?" - the reporter asks.

"They're a lot braver than we are, for sure." (Mats Sundin)

The reporter concludes his article by saying, "Too bad life can't always be a game."

 
For all of us living with an illness - even though most of us reading this article aren't "kids" - we can still relate to the words of this reporter. Life can't always be a game, or just about your job, or just about your family, or just about your social life. 


For some of us, life has thrown us more curve balls than others. And for some of us, life has taken us up and down a rollercoaster of events, with twists and turns that have made us dizzy and nauseous, making us beg anyone to take us out of the seat where we are strapped by the seat-belt of our illness.

But when you're brave, and you continue to live life to its fullest - regardless of whether or not you're at the beginning of the rollercoaster, in the middle of the ride, or you're about to step off - you help other people put their life into perspective as well, thus offering them hope for whatever they are facing. 

I feel you (Life)

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of (Life)

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you (Life)

Fill your heart with love

You can feel the joy of life during any phase - whether it be at diagnosis, during a flare up, or in remission - if you have hope, you can still have passion for life. As long as you have appreciation of life, the joy of life will not fade away from your heart. When you are willing to embrace life despite its risks, you know that you've found it. As long as you're choosing to live life to the fullest each day to the best of your capabilities, life will never fade away - no matter what your physical symptoms are. 

You know that you have found life - and Christmas -  when your heart is filled with love, and you realize that the meaning of life can be found when you recognize that illness is not the enemy, but choosing not to live is.

I hope you all find joy in Christmas and in life this Christmas season, 2011.