Today I saw my
neurologist and he told me that he would like me to try a new seizure
medication (my fifth one!) and hopefully this time, I won't develop any more
allergies. The reason for this is that my last EEG showed that there are areas
in my brain still at risk for seizures, and being on this medication will help
prevent me from having another episode of severe subclinical seizures.
I wouldn't mind the
medications if it weren't for the side effects. Another big side effect of this
seizure medication is fatigue - which is usual for seizure medications. However
I was a bit disappointed to hear that I might be more tired again, just as I
was beginning to regain my old energy levels.
Last fall, I was on
three types of seizure medications that caused me severe fatigue. I was so weak
that my husband was kind enough to always carry all the grocery bags from the
car to the house. Physical weakness is a part of life…sometimes we feel weak
when we are sick, and as adults get older, they begin to lose physical
strength.
We do not have much
control over how physically strong we are. No matter how much I lift weights, I
am probably too small to ever be as physically strong as my husband. But there
is another kind of strength that we have control over.
It is the strength of
the heart. When I was 17 years old and my body started deteriorating in the ICU
because of my illness, my parents told me that other organs began failing too
and it was only my heart that was keeping strong - probably because I was a
physically active teenager. However, I am not talking about that kind of
"strong heart" - I am talking about a heart of hope, faith and
courage.
While we may not be
able to control our physical strength, we can always CHOOSE the strength of our
heart. When faced with trials, you can choose the level of your courage. Do you
retreat and wait for the trial to pass you by, or do you face it with courage
and let your trial make you stronger than the person you were before?
A heart of strength is
what helps you endure when life gets rocky. When I was weak from the
chemotherapy and fatigued from the seizure medications, it was my heart of
strength that led me to write this blog, so I can share my hope in everyday
with all of you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
said, "We acquire the strength we have overcome." The next time you face times of trouble, remember
that it is during these times of trouble that we have the opportunity to grow
deeper in faith, and strengthen our hearts.
Richard E.Byrd said,
"Few (people) during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the
resources dwelling within them. There are deep wells of strength that are never
used." Never underestimate the strength
of your heart. Whenever you feel like you are not strong enough to handle what
you are going through, know that there is a God who loves you and has promised
to give you His strength when you ask for it. Psalm 138:3, "When I called,
you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted."
A heart of strength
also requires daily exercise to keep it strong. You can maintain your heart of
strength with positive thinking, counting your blessings, living with hope, and
finding the purpose in the pain.
I choose to let my
heart be stronger than the sum of all my problems.
To let my faith be
always stronger than my health.
To let my hope always
be stronger than central nervous system vasculitis
And, "May the God
of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may
overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
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