Life Resolutions - based on "Live like you were dying" - by Tim McGraw

A friend on Facebook told me about what Christmas was like in Chile, where she's from. She told me about a tradition that they had where people would give gifts to Baby Jesus for His birthday, and that this gift to Him would be an area in their life that they would like to improve.

I really liked this idea, and I told my husband that even though we are not from Chile, it is a tradition I would like to incorporate in our family when we start having children. Although this is what people do in Chile, people in North America have a certain version of this during the holidays, called "New Year Resolutions."

Often times, New Year resolutions are made and then broken. The most popular New Year resolutions probably include the promise to start a new diet and lose weight. But after a month, people often forget their resolutions or break them.

I really like the idea of giving gifts at Christmas to Baby Jesus about promising to change and improve certain areas in your life, because instead of resolutions for just the New Year, they are more like resolutions for life.

He said

"I was in my early forties

With a lot of life before me

And a moment came that stopped me on a dime

I spent most of the next days

Looking at the x-rays

Talkin' 'bout the options

And talkin' 'bout sweet time"

I asked him

"When it sank in

That this might really be the real end

How's it hit you

When you get that kind of news?

Man, what'd you do?"

Often times, people don't try to make changes or improve areas in their lives until a crisis. In this song, it takes an illness to encourage the man in the song  to initiate many changes in his life, and improve areas that needed improving.

He said

"I went skydiving

I went Rocky Mountain climbing

I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu

And I loved deeper

And I spoke sweeter

And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying"

And he said

"Someday I hope you get the chance

To live like you were dying"

He said "I was finally the husband,

"That most the time I wasn’t.

Often times, we take many relationships for granted. We don't realize how important or how special someone's presence is in our lives until they are gone, or until they aren't a part of our lives anymore. A possible "life resolution" is to show gratefulness to everyone in your life, no matter what your relationship to them is. Don't wait to try and improve a relationship until it is failing. 

"And I became a friend a friend would like to have."

Which relationships in your life would you like to improve? Which relationships need forgiveness and reconciliation? Even if you find that you cannot reconcile with that person because it is better for that person not to be a part of your life, forgiveness allows your heart to be lighter and releases a heavy load that it has been carrying, and prevents any strings from being attached to bitterness.

"And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,

"Wasn’t such an imposition,

"And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.

In Canada and the United States, so many of us live life on such a fast track, always looking to rush things. We are rushing in traffic to get to work. We skim almost everything we read, just so we can rush and get to the main message. We rush our tasks so we can have everything done according to the schedule we have set. It is inevitable that because we rush so many things in life, we end up rushing life - and we forget to slow down, and truly enjoy life and appreciate it for what it's worth.

For the person who has been told that life only has a certain amount of time left, who would want to rush life then? Don't wait to be told how much time life has left to "live like you're dying", and enjoy life.

This is a lesson I am still learning every day. I am so used to everything needing to have it's own scheduled time, that I sometimes miss out on the joy of spontaneity. It's something my husband has helped  me with out a lot. He is very laid back while I like schedules…in that way, we kind of both balance each other out. 

"Well, I finally read the Good Book,"

Jesus said that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Even if you are not a Christian, you should still read the "Good Book" at least once, just to check if you are wrong.

"And I took a good long hard look,

"At what I'd do if I could do it all again."

How many of you, at New Year's, look back on the past year and wonder what would you do if you could do it all again? How would you have reacted differently in certain situations? What would you have said differently to people? What choices would you have made instead? Regardless of how your year ended up being, God has a purpose for everything. Even if we strayed off His path, He has a way of turning things around in accordance to His will. He can use anything for His good. Just look in the Bible and read the story of Joseph in the Book of Genesis, Genesis 50:15-21.

"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,"

It takes a stress overload for the stressful person to realize that they need to slow down and take time to relax. And for all of you reading this, I hope that you don't wait for a serious illness to make you stop and reflect on how you can change your life now to live better. For those who do have an illness like me, don't wait until too late to reflect on how to live life fully at every aspect, how to "love deeper" and "speak sweater" and "give forgiveness that you've been denying."

"Like tomorrow was a gift

And you've got eternity

To think about

What you'd do with it.

What could you do with it?

What did I do with it?

What would I do with it?"

Some people are so ill that they don't know how many tomorrows they have, or they have been given a certain number by their doctors. For them, I am sure they spend each day thinking about what they would do with their "tomorrows."  It's not just "tomorrow" that is a gift, every day is a gift. Every day that you are breathing is another day full of opportunities and possibilities. For those who feel like their life is going nowhere, you may be thinking, "What good is my life when I have nothing to look forward to?" Well just think - there is so many good you can do. You can do good for yourself - make sure you stay healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually. For those who experience chronic illness, you may wonder what good can you do when you spend most days laying in bed because you can't get up. Well, doing "good" doesn't have to be just expressed by actions. "Good" can be a kind word to someone else to cheer up their day, or any other "love language" that I explained in my previous post, "Christmas Song #4: Don't Save it All for Christmas Day", such as quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and a physical touch such as a hug.

And he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,

"To live like you were dying."

I don't have any New Year resolutions this year. Honestly, there is no new resolution that I haven't already resolved to do. Unfortunately, I resolved to do these resolutions later rather than earlier.

When I first got sick with primary CNS vasculitis at 17 years old (if you do not know this story, please read my first post), I had resolved to live life the best way I can. I was close to death so many times when I was laying in that coma for thirty-two days. When I woke up, I began to realize how much of a gift life is.

My illness is an "invisible illness" - that means that it's there, it will always be there, even when I do not look sick. Because there is currently no cure for my orphan rare illness, I will live the rest of my life hoping not to have another flare up - because at a bad flare up, life can be taken away from me.

It was almost taken away from me a second time this year in September 2011, when I unexpectedly developed seizures as new symptoms of my illness. I could have died, or I could have lost my mind. I signed a Power of Attorney contract at the hospital that I don't remember signing because my brain lost memories surrounding that one week when I was having about three seizures per  minute. The doctors told my husband that it was possible I would have permanent brain damage, because they could not figure out how to stop my seizures at that time. 

When I recovered this time - after the doctors figured out the right treatment for me - I waited to see what God had planned for me. I certainly did not plan for this flare-up. I was going to volunteer, find work, and complete  other projects I had planned - these were all delayed. It was while waiting for God to discover His purpose for me that He showed me little by little what it was. I started this blog, my first piece of writing I have ever done in a long time, that was not related to school work.

I used to love writing, but when I was 17, before I had gotten sick, someone wanted to hurt me out of selfish anger and threw out and destroyed all my writings, my stories, my journals, and a novel that I had currently been writing for my sisters. After that, I thought to myself, "Why continue writing when it could disappear all of a sudden, so fast?"

It was only recently, after reading my posts in my HOPE group on Facebook,  that Ginny - a friend that I mentioned in an earlier blog- encouraged me to write things to publish. I didn't know about publishing, but I began to write this blog, to share my own experiences.

I shouldn't have waited this long to start writing again. Just because someone could throw out my writings again to hurt me doesn't mean I should never write again. Just like even though my illness can take my life away if it chose to attack again, it doesn't mean I should stop living. Instead, I  "live like I'm dying" - but not in a way that makes me mourn my illness, but instead, I celebrate  as much as I can of every moment of life I have left. 

And after this second brush with death, I resolved to have a better relationship with God - because believing and going to church are nice things, but how can I call him my Best Friend when I don't spend daily time with Him? I resolved to make sure I do my best to spend time in His Word everyday. Since I am not the type to just pick up the Bible everyday to read it, I subscribed to www.crosswalk.com, where I signed up for regular Bible devotions to be sent to my e-mail, since I read my e-mail everyday. And if I can spend time every day to read my e-mail/Facebook messages, I have time to read a Bible devotion. I encourage you all to do the same.

I also resolved to be a nicer person. I get impatient easily and it comes out in my words. Being nicer also meant withholding judgment, and just like the song says,  "I spoke sweeter, I loved deeper, and I gave forgiveness that I'd been denying."

I forgave that person who destroyed my writings just a couple years ago, when I finally let go of that bitterness that had me trapped for so long, and when I did, I found that I could live easier. My heart was lighter, and it was no longer preoccupied with what was holding it back.

Everyday I do my best to live like I am dying. It is easier to do when you know you have a disease without a cure that can claim your life if it chose to. Until recently, CNS vasculitis was fatal for most people because of the lack of research for this disease, the lack of knowledge to diagnose it, and the lack of medical resources to treat it well. Death often followed after 45 days of diagnosis.

Click here if you would like to learn more about CNS vasculitis. http://www.hopkinsvasculitis.org/types-vasculitis/central-nervous-system-vasculitis/

For all of you, I wish you a happy new year, and I hope that you spend every day this 2012 living life to its fullest, and I hope for good health for all of you, so that you may have the chance to "live like you were dying" without having to shake hands with death, in order to do it.

Numbers 6:24-26: "May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace."